Okay, so you want a goddamn Christmas blog, you fucking provincial simpletons? Well, I’ll give ya one, even though you don’t deserve it. First of all, Santa Claus is a big fat stupid motherfucker and one day when I was a kid I sat on his lap and he got a boner. He is a pervert and I’m goin up there to the North Pole after I save up enough scrap metal and I’m gonna cut his dick in half longways with a rusty hacksaw I found in the dump and put the dick in a hotdog bun and make him eat it. Then I’m gonna shit and piss on him and stomp on his head until he dies.
Fuck Santa Claus.
Lee Little was this kid who I think was a migrant worker and also a Frenchman and he jittered around like an idiot in the bathroom and got yelled at one time. He could shimmy all the way up the basketball pole and one day he fell off and he broke his mouth and he broke his dick and he broke all his bones.
Lee Little was a nardicle and one time he tickled me when I was on the monkey bars and I chased him all over the place but I never could catch him and beat him up but one day when I was chasin him around Bergle hit him in the eye with a snowball and Lee Little commenced to bawl and I felt better after that.
When in spring bloom flours like cups
Of rancid honey, in the sun
Bathes upon the rivers as they run
With melting snow, and, gurgling through
The lush, green, blooming meadow,
My love comes trotting down the hill,
And smiles at me, as lovers will
She bends, bestows a kiss upon my cheek,
And I, assailed by gentle love, so weak
Draw her close to me, and speak
Three gentle words, so true,
And she replies, “I love you too.”
Before ye cynics at my true love scoff,
Fear not–tis only what I think about
When I jerk off.