Creedence Clearwater Retarded

Once there was this chick named Mildred Rump or somesuch, not that anyone cared. She was really hot and nice and smily and cute and she could have had her pick of all the dudes in her little Norman Rockwell hometown, which is like saying she could have chosen any brand of vanilla ice cream in the world.

Anyway, out of all those dudes in her hometown, she picked this clown named Arlen Gork who was a stupid asshole who wasn’t even good-looking and he treated her like dogshit and fucked other girls and screamed at her and beat the piss out of her and couldn’t hold down a job and she actually loved him.

Mildred loved Arlen Gork so much that she let him go on ruining her life right up until she was old and wrinkled and ugly, and then she got Alzheimer’s disease and Arlen Gork put her in a nursing home and she sat there pissing in her pants and talking to the TV set and singing along with the muzak on the weather channel and Arlen Gork didn’t even come and visit her and he found some other old lady who would cook for him and put up with all his bullshit and they went on living off Mildred Rump’s retirement. Then one day Mildred Rump drowned in a bowl of oatmeal. There is no god. THE END


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